Yesterday, I was going through all my discs trying to find a set of family pictures for my blog cover and a I came across a lot of pictures I had forgotten about. These two are pictures are from before I had my first baby. I was working full time and going to college full time finishing my degree in Business, Marketing. I supervised a team of people who did global compliance for the company I worked for.
I was making about thirty thousand dollars a year, it was enough and more to support both of us while Nate finished his education. He was focused solely on doing well in school and studying for an entrance exam, so he could get into Medical school. (Then he changed his mind and went to Dental school.) We were happy. We lived in a one bedroom apartment on campus. We went to the Provo temple often and tried a wide variety of flavors of ice cream at the BYU Creamery.
I found out I was pregnant. I geared up to finish my education. The last semester before I had Sierra I was taking 19 credit hours and working a 40 hour a week, plus I was pregnant. I had one more year to complete after she was born, but I was determined to get as much done as I could before I had her. I knew I would never see my baby if I continued with my current schedule. I quit my job the day she was born. My boss told me if I stayed, he would give me a promotion and almost double my pay, but I was determined.
Nate at the time didn't have a job and we didn't know how we were going to make it. We prayed. A month after I quit, Nate was able to find a job making close to what I was making before I quit. My mom and my siblings helped me take care of my sweet baby while I finished school. I graduated a year later. Nate was accepted into the dental program at the University of Pittsburgh School of Dental Medicine. Then we were off to Pittsburgh.
I was still determined to be at home with my baby. I couldn't imagine turning her care over to another person. When we were told we only had fourteen thousand dollars a year to live off of, I cried. It seemed like we would not be able to make it, if I didn't work outside our home. Our income had been cut in half and despite every effort our expenses had doubled, and no matter how I did the numbers they didn't add up. Despite all of my fears, when I prayed I felt peace that all would be well and my Father-in-Heaven would provide a way. It was my choice to be at home with my baby, so I didn't want to push the burden of our care onto another soul, so we determined not to get any help from the government beyond our health insurance, which the school required in order for Nate to attend.
I gave up everything.... clothes shopping, getting my hair done, expensive foods (Soda, Chips, Crackers, Cookies, Ice Cream), eating out, everything past our basic necessities. We ate a lot of soup and left overs and I think I wore the same outfit for two years, until I discovered thrifting. (Thanks Shelly.) It was hard to keep our drafty one-hundred year old condo warm, I knew the heating bill was going to be high, and so in order to conserve money I turned the heat down and we dressed warm inside our condo. Sierra wouldn't keep anything on her little hands and they were often cold, so I made mini rice bags out of cloth and heated them in the microwave and we played with them on the floor. We spent a lot of time at the library because it was warm there and I loved reading to my little girl.
I remember when that first heating bill came, regardless of my efforts, it was over four-hundred dollars. I wept and wept. How were we ever going to make it? Again, I felt the sweet peace and assurance from my Father-in-Heaven. A few days later I walked out onto my front porch and there was two hundred dollars in cash sitting in a gift box on my porch. I still don't know who the angel was who left it there, I had no friends and knew very few people. I remember the feeling as I opened that box. I felt the love of my Savior and his rescuing power wash over me.( The rescuing power he gives to all those who trust in him.)
Bit-by-bit and day-by-day we made it. It was a miracle.
I remember often thinking things could have been easier if I had of chosen a different path, but I am so glad I didn't. It was the path I wanted to take and it was the path I felt I should take. I remember often the sweet whispering of the spirit telling me, "Life won't always be hard in this way. There will be a time when things will be different, but YOU need to know what this feels like." We all have to be stretched in this life. It is how we become strong. I am grateful for my stretching moments and I am grateful that I didn't try to avoid them by putting the care of this precious little girl into anothers arms. Oh, how I love her. When I look back on these pictures I realize all that I could have missed and I am so glad I didn't.
The purpose of this post isn't to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do, everyone gets to choose their own path and that is the beauty of life. The purpose of this message is to testify that the tender mercies of our Father-in-Heaven are over all those who put their trust in him. Oh, how I have felt them in my life.
