FIRST SUNDAY BACK AT CHURCH SINCE MY BIRTHDAY

Miriam Vasquez came over with her two little girls and her little boy to play. She brought over stuff for a Mexican lunch. It was so good. She is so kind to show us her secrets. We loved playing with friends. Logan and I made chocolate cake to share.

Our first day back to church was last Sunday. Logan slipped out of my arms and hit his head on the corner of the pew. Blood was everywhere. I had to go into the bathroom to clean him up even though it was against COVID rules. Right before the sacrament was to be passed the bishop announced that we were going to keep our cups.  Ashton cried out, "This is the best church day ever!" I thought he was grateful to be back at church, then he whispered, "Because we get to keep our cups!" They passed the bread in cups too, to help prevent contamination. The children each got two small cups to play with. 

LOGUS

Our little Logan is our world. Sierra turned the piano bench upside down and pushed Logan around on it. Logan and I made Maggie's Cake for dessert while the other kids played board games all afternoon. He kept stealing the cards or the game pieces, so he needed a distraction. 

Dad is gone to the mountains to find himself. We had a quiet weekend. We went to sacrament meeting at the Ellsworth's home. We sat in the backyard and felt the wind and the rain on our faces and partook of the sacrament in psychedelic cups. Logan ran around and played on their slide. Every Sabbath Day with COVID is unique, and full of more learning experiences

SEVERAL MONTHS IN ONE POST

Grandpa and Grandma came to visit again. Grandma needed some more dental work. Ashton can't get enough of his Grandpa. I know most of the time Grandpa goes home exhausted because this little boy has to have his attention the entire time. I love watching how much joy he feels when his Grandpa comes to town.

We made more masks than I remembered to count. She was a huge help. We got them all done. I hope they helped our community, but the count of COVID infections has been so low here that I don't know if they were much use locally. It did feel good to be doing something instead of sitting at home praying for COVID to end.

I got really adventurous with food for a few weeks and we were continually trying new recipes. I don't know why I have never been able to make beautiful muffins. It is one of my life goals to figure out the trick.

We spent the entire lock down for COVID building structure into our farm. We have over a hundred chickens and get fresh eggs every day. Nate is raising meat chickens to slaughter and consume so we don't have to go to the store for meat. Sounds like an adventure. We haven't gotten to the slaughter and packing part yet, so you will have to wait and hear how I felt about the whole processes when we are done.

Meet ham and bacon. Nate named them and every time the latch on their feeder slams down. He looks at me and says, "Yum, bacon!" We have also never raised pigs. We are having a lot of new adventures this year.

Home church has been one of the hardest changes in my life during COVID. I am a people person. I love people. I miss my people. With that said, I haven't felt a loss of the spirit. I been filled. The Holy Ghost has encouraged and whispered peace and we have had some special moments.

Madison gave a talk she had prepared without telling anyone. She did a really good job and brought both her father and I to tears. She said she had been reading in 1 Nephi about when Nephi says, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded for the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men save he shall prepare a way. She testified that Heavenly Father would prepare a way to do every hard thing he asks us to do." Since COVID was requiring us to do a hard things, her words filled my soul and I knew He would provide a way.

Phillip and Katrina saved us from absolute boredom and isolation. There visit was needed. I love them so much. They fished in our pond and listened to the bull frogs. They went hiking with us. They rode the four-wheeler and tried out our Loma merry-go-round. They helped me plant my potatoes and helped get the water to my garden. I am so grateful.

We didn't see these two the whole time. They were two peas in a pod and really enjoyed each others company.

These two, Hazel and Justin are my favorite! Don't tell anyone. They crack me up. I love them so much. Ashton and Hazel played until Hazel came in and said, "I don't want to play with him anymore because all he wants to do is play super-smash-em-brothers. I don't want to play that anymore. Ashton is use to playing with brothers. What can I say? (P.S. Super-smash-em-brothers is a game Ashton and his brother James made up. They build robots out of legos and make them fight. They smash them together until they come apart and then they play again.)

James said he told Ryder his whole life story but he couldn't get up the guts to tell him about his visions struggles. (He is still a little self conscience about not being able to read and do math like his peers.) I giggled thinking Ryder must be a good listener. His Aunt Jennifer confirmed that he is. What a wonderful talent. James being the middle child loves having someone around that will listen to him.

Home church gets more and more adventurous every week. Nate let's one of the boys conduct every week. Ashton always insists on conducting and gets his feeling hurt when he can't. Once while passing around the bread for the sacrament Ashton took the large slice his Dad was breaking up instead of one of the broken pieces. We all lost it and laughed. Not the most reverent sacrament but certainly memorable.

James is always so stoic while conducting and doesn't want to say anything the wrong way. Ashton and James are often willing to pray. My girls are less inclined. Madison plays the piano for all of the Hymns and has really progressed on the piano.

After the Sacrament we break off into primary and Young Women's. Dad teaches Come Follow Me to the Young Women and I use the primary manual to teach the littles. My boys are hardly reverent and it takes a lot to get through a little but they love it. Church is maybe thirty minutes on a good day. I wish it was more organized and more thoughtful but we try and I am certain Heavenly Father is pleased with our effort.

Father's Day. This man hates his picture taken. So, this is what you get, the stink eye. He has been a father for 15 years. He is a unique father. He definitely fathers in his own way. Our children know they are cared for and loved. He often sneaks off and does things with them one-on-one. I'll have a friend say, "I ran into your husband at munchies with Madison the other day." He always does better with them one-on-one. Five was a lot for him to take on. He loves them all, he just has a hard time when they are all together, except around the dinner table because they are quiet. :)

I am grateful for the man that he is. He has sacrificed his body to provide well for them. They want for nothing, except their own room. :) However, I often remind them that if they had a bigger house, then they would be spoiled in all aspects of their lives. I am glad that in that one aspect they are not.

His hands are in pain every day now. I don't think he can continue to work like he has. I don't know where the future will take us but I know being married to him, it will be an adventure. I keep telling him to sell everything and do something he loves. Open a fly shop, write a book or teach biology. We have made enough money to eliminate all our debt. We can live simply. We already sort of do.

This boy is my heart. Look at those eyes. He is so good. All of our conversations lately revolve around Jesus. What is he like? When will he come again? We were reading a verse of scripture the other night and it talked of God being surrounded by numberless concourses of angels. He whispered to me in the most beautiful and sincere way, "Mom, can you imagine seeing Heavenly Father and Jesus and angels. Wouldn't that be cool?" I thought about how much power is in that first chapter of scripture that opens the Book of Mormon.

He struggles with seeing, which affects his learning. He has a book about the air force and he asks if he can fly fighter jets when he grows up. I don't know if he will. I want to believe he can do anything he wants but he has real struggles. I have worked with him every day for the last two years. Sometimes I think he can do anything and he makes everything seem easy. Then other days everything is hard for him. I guess it just depends on which side of his brain wins that day.

I can confidently say this though, "James, if you work hard and trust in the Savior who is the author of all healing you will be able to do all the things you are meant to do in this life. Wasn't that what the Savior was sent here to do? Teach us how to overcome; doubt, discouragement, fear, vision problems, anxiety, and any other hard thing life gives us. You will be able to read as well as I or your Father someday, as you continue to work hard and trust in the Savior. I know that in my soul. I don't know if you will be an air force pilot. I do know that no matter what you do, you will effect lives for good.  You will lift people. You will strengthen people. You will be kind and you will stand up for what is right. There is so much goodness in your soul. I love that Heavenly Father sent you to me."

KING COW

We got a calf. We will get two piglets today. So, I guess you could say we are becoming a regular farm. Nate has been working on the chicken mansion and the pig shelter for the last few weeks. He said he is really enjoying himself. I am glad he has had some time off of work to get some of these projects done.

Sierra has adopted this little one as her own baby. She takes care of it. I haven't been out to feed it once.  If I suggest anyone else feeds it, she will run down stairs, and yell at all of us. It is her baby.

He was abandoned by his mother. No rancher around here wants to bottle feed a calf, so we are the suckers that paid $200 for the privilege. However, I am sure when the first steak comes I will be grateful.

We have named him King Cow. We were going to name him Burger, Steak or Ribeye and then that evolved into Burger King and then got shortened to King Cow. I hate that Sierra is getting so attached to him. If he makes it, he will go to the slaughter house in two years.

MATH

Of all the subjects I love teaching my children, math is my favorite. I never would have thought that would be the case, but it is. I love watching them excel at it. I love doing Geometry with Sierra in the evenings and I love doing Kindergarten Math with Ashton in the mornings.

Ashton hates to color! He hates it. It takes too much time and he has better things to do. Yesterday, he scribbled all over his math page. I told him I would give him an F- for scribbling. He said, "I don't care if I get an F for coloring, because I get A's on all my other math pages!"

Later, he pinky promised me he would try harder to color better. The next day, he tried. He did make me color some of the 8's and I think James helped him with some of the 9's and 7's. So, he wormed his way out of coloring the whole sheet, but he stepped it up from scribbling. Good Job Ashton! He is a math wiz, all of my children are really good at math.

I remember working so hard in college to pass math. I would double my homework, so I could learn the material and I still barely got a B-. I guess all that work paid off because I am very confident about teaching my children Math.

ANOTHER DRIVE

We drove to Utah again for James' vision therapy. I haven't blogged about anything for so long it feels hard to know where to start but maybe I will just write of yesterday. 

We left on Friday. Logan, James and I and drove to Provo. James has a great vision therapist and he is suppose to go see him every other week. It has been hard to drive to Utah every other week but it has also been fun to spend more time in the temple and more time with our family.

We broke our "shelter in place" order in Colorado to make the trip. We felt it really is so necessary for him. He won't be able to read like his peers until he does therapy for a year. He is working hard but his eyes get tired very quickly and it not possible to push him harder than he is able. So, we are muddling through 1st grade as we try to repair his vision. It is hard and it is exhausting, but I am so grateful that we have figured out why he has struggled so much, when he is so bright. I am grateful that he tries so hard. I am grateful he complains very little. I am sure I complain more than him. I am grateful that he sees this thorn in the flesh as an obstacle to be overcome. 

He enjoyed swinging with his favorite cousins. Derrick is one of the best fathers ever. He spent time pushing them outside.

I guess it would be odd if I didn't mention COVID-19. We are on our third week of having church at home. We are on day four of sheltering in place in Colorado. We are in our second week of Nate's practice being shut down. We are doing well. We are grateful and humble that the Lord has blessed us immensely over the last few years and has given us prophets and apostles to warn us about these eventualities as we are living in the last days. We are grateful that the Lord has buffeted some of our stupid decisions and has blessed us more than we are worthy. 

Today especially, our thoughts are drawn out to others who are truly suffering. Others who will be less able to pick up the pieces and build again, but will be truly devastated by this virus. Others who don't have a church family and a strong extended family to lean on when things become uncertain. I am grateful for a prophet who called up on the entire global community to have a global fast. I know that there is nothing that will help you forget your own struggles and think of the struggles of others than depriving yourself of food and water for 24 hours. It is a humbling experience.  My heart has been drawn out in prayer for my brother and sisters who live in India and Italy and all over the world.  Who may truly go hungry and not just for 24 hours because they chose to.  My brothers and sisters that are truly suffering. I pray for them today. May our Heavenly Father see fit to answer our pleadings, according to his will and in his time. 

In Jesus' name, amen.

PLAYING "SIDE" for a MINUTE

   Logan doesn't say "outside" he says "side." He wasn't to go "side" all day long. It is warming up enough that it is almost possible. He loves to say shirt too but he can't pronounce his "r" so... don't try it. He has the best smile and fills our little McKnight world with so much joy. 

This little Ashton has a shiner. His sister was running from him last night and shut the door into his face. Sigh. I may have lost my mind. One of his little Asian eyes are even more squinty today. He has been playing with this super hero action figure all morning. 

He is growing and learning and he is suppose to go to Kindergarten next year but I don't think I am going to send him. I just don't have the heart. All of my kid's personalities change so much when they go to school. They become insecure and shy and I hate it. They are brave and confident when they leave but school has a way of wiping that away and making them relearn it. I know they can and it gives them bit a of grit to learn how, but I will keep you as you are Aston Maxwell for a minute longer. 

 

 

A MONTH IN ONE POST

 I loaded up my kids and took them to Utah the first part of January. I was tired of having no answers for what was going on with James' reading. I was told the next step was to have him tested for vision therapy. I had an appointment in March in Hotchkiss, Colorado but I was tired of waiting. On a whim, I loaded the boys up and headed out. Doctor Duval took several hours testing him. He said, James tested in the lowest one percent for being able to track, meaning moving from line to line as he reads. He pulls letters from the line above and line below into the line he is working on. His eye muscles are weak. Lastly, both of his eyes are not able to come together to see one letter. (I believe in our day we would have said that he has two lazy eyes.) One wanders and then the other. 

He showed him a graph with a straight line. He said your brain is point A on the line and your eyes are point B. Most people's eyes and brain work together and they go from A to B really easily. When someone is injured then things reroute. Instead of going from A to B easily, the brain runs a marathon touching several points before it finds B. I am almost certain, it happened when he feel down the cement stairs.  I took pictures days after. I didn't dare take a picture right after it happened, it was bad. 

So, what happens now? Through vision therapy he can become whole. It is just going to take a lot of work. We won't expect him to start reading fluidly for at least a year if not two. He is determined to learn to read and I count that a blessing. He is exact about praying nightly for his eyes to work with his brain. I am certain we will see miracles. I don't know why James was given this thorn in the flesh but I am certain that through the Savior all weak things can be made strong.

 I have been having severe exhaustion lately. The doctor recommended vitamin D3. I took the boys with me to the store to pick up my vitamins. They have helped, but if I take them too late in the day I have weird dreams and trouble sleeping. I am grateful for the energy boost. I have wanted to fall asleep between one and three every day. I have been taking naps more often than I would care to admit. My friends in the Relief Society presidency have been worried about me and kept encouraging me to see a doctor. I did a bunch of blood work but it was just a deficiency in D3. Who knew sunlight or one little pill could make such a difference. 

 We went to James' 1st grad concert. He was so excited for us to come and watch him and his class mates preform. I love the charter school my children attend. Both the music teachers wept as they thanked us for a privilege of teaching our children. I was touched by their sincerity. 

Another trip to Utah for vision therapy. We were trying to go weekly and then that was too exhausting, so we tried to go every other week. Now, we go about once every six weeks and do the rest on-line via zoom. I am grateful for technology. This is Kaylee, James loves her and she is hilarious and she helped make our trips enjoyable.

 We bought several games to help with James' vision and one of those games was called STARE. It is a fun simple game and is recommended for homeschoolers. You stare at a card and memorize everything your can and then you answer questions assigned to numbers which propels your piece along the board. All my children love playing.

I am not even sure when we started doing church at home because of COVID-19. I think it was after my birthday this year. If that is truth, and I think it is, then we have been doing home church for five weeks. To say our Sunday meetings are filled with the spirit and are organized is laughable, but I certainly have not once felt an absence of church in my life, so despite our flawed, very flawed, attempts Heavenly Father has been gracious to us. We have a short Sacrament meeting and then Nate and I divide the children. He takes the girls and I take the boys and we teach them Come Follow Me. We learned about Enos this week. I have had some tender spirit filled moments with my boys.

Easter. We had an Easter Egg basket search on Saturday and dyed eggs. Then we talked of Christ on Sunday. James gave the lesson for our little primary. He prepared some stick puppets, and told a story about the Savior's resurrection. He also hid Easter eggs around the bedrooms and had the boys find them and in each plastic egg was a symbol of Christ's final week. The boys have loved home church.

LOGAN MICHAEL is 2!

 True confessions we forgot his birthday. Madison made a cake. Sierra made the frosting. The boys gathered toys they had outgrown and wrapped them with old Christmas paper. I was giggling. He didn't mind. He loved it. The kids loved make his birthday out of nothing. It was a good reminder for me that sometimes simple is best.

JAMES NATHAN is 7!

We made him a lemon cake and he got more legos for his birthday. He will play with Legos for hours. Luckily, Madison helped him build this one. I was all Lego-ed out after Christmas. He is the sweetest boy. He brings so much joy into my life. 

ASHTON MAXWELL is 5!

Ashton Maxwell is 5. He is growing so fast. He brings so much joy to our home. He has such a big personality. He is always happy. I love his sweet smile. He made his own cake and decorated it himself. Nate and I took him to breakfast and then took him to the Walmart and he picked out a bike and rode it out of the store. He had the biggest grin riding through the store.