BABY #5

I guess this is the best evidence that baby number five is on his way. I am eighteen weeks this week. I can't begin to convey how excited, happy, scared, overwhelmed, and elated I am. I have so many thoughts about this baby. I really thought Nate wouldn't have more than four children. I really thought if we ever did have one more it would be a girl. I never thought I would have a baby at almost thirty-nine.

When I left the ultra-sound, I laughed all the way to the car. Nate at one point in our marriage very adamantly proclaimed, "We can't make boys!" He was wrong. I had the words, "We are as the armies of Heleman running through my mind." Maybe that was a message to me to make sure I teach these boys in their youth and try my best to help build their faith. Maybe it was meant to give me comfort about how much affect good men have in the world and the importance of giving these strong male spirits life. I am nervous about labor and nervous about bringing another baby home to a two bedroom one bathroom home. I am nervous about my postpartum recovery, while caring for my other four children. If I had another home, I would make my mother move in with me for a week. 

Despite all that... I am so happy I get to be a mother again. I am so excited to hold a new born baby in my arms again and smell that newborn smell. I am so happy to bring a new spirit into our home with all love, hope, and joy that comes with it. I so proud of James and the good little boy that he is and what an amazing oldest brother he will be. James is unlike any of my other children in that he sincerely loves people. He loves to pray and he says the most sincere prayers. He loves me so sweetly and sincerely. I just know he was meant to be leader of our little pack. Ashton Max is so busy and full of life, he will always keep his father young. Having these three little boys together will be so good for their daddy. He took James bear hunting last Saturday and James talked of nothing else. I think even Nate had a good time. I think Nate is beginning to see that these three little men are going to be his best hunting, fishing, and camping buddies ever.