PHO-BULOUS DAY

 It was a Pho-bulous Day today.

One of my favorite people, Barbara, made me Pho today.

I begged her.

I told her I would buy all the ingredients if she would cook it.

It was amazing!

I had a bowl for breakfast and a bowl for dinner.

I can't tell you how happy it makes me.

 

Barbara and I meet four years ago.

I love her story.

She was born over in Vietnam.

Her mother is Vietnamese.

Her father a American Solider from Texas.

He had red hair.

 

She learned to make Pho from her mother.

It is basically beef over rice noodles with yummy toppings like cilantro, basil, onions!

 

She has also taught me to make egg rolls.

I love learning new thing from amazing women.

I am glad to have her in my life.

FACEBOOK ADDICTION

Confession: I had a major Facebook addiction.

 

I am not sure why I did, but I did. I would scroll through feeds for thirty minutes. Then go clean some dishes and find myself back scrolling through the same feeds again. When I scrolled through the same feeds so many time I wasn't seeing anything new, I would start reading articles shared. I would read an unending list of articles that would start with catchy phrases like, "You'll never believe how this woman utilized her small space."

 

I was a phantom. I don't think anyone knew I was there watching everything. I shut off the chat, so no one could chat with me and no one could see the hours I was spending hanging out there on Facebook. I just watched day in and day out. I would judge people by the comments they would make or the things they would write. I would poke fun at the socially awkward and weird. I would get so frustrated with vilified banter. I know it affected my days. I would find myself snapping at my children, "Can you leave me alone while I finish reading this? Can't you see I am busy? This is my time." My daughter Sierra would make comments like, "Are you on Facebook again?" I was annoyed because I deserved a few minutes to myself. I have virtually given up television because I can't find a decent program to watch and this was my one thing, Facebook, and besides I was sharing goodness at least once a week.

 

I knew it was a problem. I would sit down to read my scriptures on my phone and ten minutes into it I would be scrolling through Facebook. I would get on the computer to find a recipe, figure out how to bind my hexagon quilt, and end up on Facebook. I didn't spend every minute of every day on Facebook but I think total time spent every day on Facebook was at least an hour. I guess to some people that isn't a lot, but an hour every day for five years. I realized that it added up to all the projects I have never finished, all the time I didn't play with my babies on the floor, all the visiting teaching I never have time to do and a lot more. 

 

I think ultimately I couldn't fathom at the end of my life standing before my Heavenly Father and giving an accounting of all the hours I wasted. I didn't want to know how many hours I had spent on Facebook. I know my Heavenly Father knows, but that is number I never want to know.

 

These words from Elder Bednar kept running through my mind.

 

The fear of the Lord is not a reluctant apprehension about coming into His presence to be judged. I do not believe we will be afraid of Him at all. Rather, it is the prospect in His presence of facing things as they really are about ourselves and having “a perfect knowledge” (2 Nephi 9:14; see also Alma 11:43) of all our rationalizations, pretenses, and self-deceptions. Ultimately, we will be left without excuse. 

 

I tried to limit myself to five minutes a day but I couldn't. I thought if I went through the addiction recovery program I would be able to, but I couldn't control it. (Although I think the addiction recovery program is an amazing program and useful for everyone.) I finally realized I had to delete my account. It was really hard to do. I was sharing goodness. Deleting would be terminating the good too. 

 

You have to go fourteen days without logging in to delete your account. FOURTEEN DAYS. I never could make it. I finally made up the longest weirdest password on the planet. I wrote it down. Changed my password. Deleted my account. Confirmed the password.  Tore up the paper in tiny bits. Took out the trash and waited. Yes, I know this wasn't a perfect fix. I still had to wait and I could recover my account anyway, but I could do it.

 

It has been two months. I keep getting the question, how is it not being on Facebook. I have to say the  first month was so hard. Really hard. I found myself trying to log into Facebook a half a dozen times a day. I felt like I was missing out. The world had some how left me behind. There were all these conversations I wasn't participating in and then there were group invites I was missing out on. Everyone communicates through Facebook and it is hard not to be on that vein.

 

Month two was a lot easier.

 

I have to say as of today I am so glad I finally broke from Facebook.

 

What are the benefits of being off of Facebook for me?

 

1. Diminished anxiousness. I don't know why Facebook made me anxious but it did. Maybe it was negative posts. Maybe it was politically geared posts. Maybe it was posts that went contrary to my value system. Maybe it was just being involved in so many peoples lives that I had no physical ability to support or help. Maybe it was all those things.

 

2.I am able to be still more. I have more quite time. I think because of that I can feel and hear the voice of the spirit guiding and directing me more.

 

3. Time. I have more time to explore other things I am interested in.

 

4. I am in control of what I want to learn and see and not the people on Facebook.

5. I am a better example to my daughters and sons, which to me is the most important thing on the list.

 

What are the negative side effects?

 

1. I miss feeling connected with so many people that I had lost contact with over the years. (I want to emphasis feeling and actually being connected with. I think in a lot of way it was an illusion. It doesn't mean I don't miss it.)

 

2. I miss being able to share goodness with so many people. Especially friends I had on Facebook that are not of my faith. (Maybe, that too was an illusion. In five years of sharing goodness, no one joined our church. In five years, no one even asked me to tell them more. I am not saying sharing goodness doesn't affect people. I know it does. It affected me when someone shared something uplifting. I needed something uplifting when I spent so much time in an environment that wasn't all that uplifting.)
 

3. I miss having an event, and wanting to invite everyone I know, and not having Facebook as the platform to do it. (Maybe I just wanted to feel like everyone was welcome. Maybe a general invite doesn't really make people feel invited and loved anyway.) I had a crib I wasn't using anymore and a washer and dryer. I wanted to give a shout out on Facebook to see if anyone could use them. I couldn't. (Maybe I just want people to know I am generous. Besides after a few prayers, I did find them nice homes, anyway.)

 

I guess one of the biggest disappointments I have is that I feel like giving up Facebook didn't give me more time. I don't know how it is possible, but it is. My house isn't anymore clean. DISAPPOINTING.

However, I think when you are a mother you can go to bed every night with every muscle in your body hurting from running all day and still feel like it wasn't enough, so I guess I probably do get more done it just feels like I am still behind.

 

Overall I am grateful I did it. I really am! I wouldn't go back to my zombie thumbing days. I have a platform to share goodness. I share it here. I have a platform to stay connected, its called Instagram and I am not addicted to it. (What is it about Facebook?) I have a platform for being informed, its called the news. I guess the only thing I am really missing out on is the memes. I don't miss them. 



SCHOOL STUFF

 Madison made the above list of all of our names I think it's adorable.

Sierra made the poster of herself below. I love it.

 

Sierra came home yesterday bawling because Madison got the student of the month award. Sierra has felt overlooked a lot for awards. She did receive an award in the third girl for something like P.E. and last year she got a an award for Math. She has never been recognized in front of the whole school. Apparently, this is a big deal. I told her I would make her daughter of the month. She said, sorry it just wasn't the same. She wouldn't stop crying. Sister Johnson showed up for her crochet lessons and she wouldn't come out of her room because she didn't want Sister Johnson to see her tear stained face. She finally came out. After her lesson she went to the computer and started a story titled, Jealousy. I guess at least she could recognize the emotion she was feeling.

 

Yes, she is taking crochet lessons. She says the rhythm of working a crochet hook brings peace to her soul. She feels like it is something she was meant to do. I couldn't argue. I begged a grandmother in the ward to come over and teach her. She loves it.

 

She also loves to write. She writes the best stories.

SUNRISE

 I decided if you can't beat them you have to join them.

When the sun burst over the horizon we went for a walk-jog.

The whole day has felt brighter.

It is amazing what a little sunshine and movement can do to your soul.

 Sunrise light is the most beautiful on the earth.

 I love this old graveyard.

 The moon was moving so rapidly that you could see it moving across the sky.

It was beautiful and amazing.

I love autumn and listening to the wind scurry leaves across my path.

 

My thoughts and prayers for the last few days have been for my sweet Aunt Ruth. She is in the hospital about to go into surgery. She has a lot of infection in her legs. She has had one partially amputated and they are thinking of partially amputating the other one and amputating the first higher up. However, we are praying for a miracle. I got to talk to her yesterday. She seems in good spirits. She has been such an angel in our lives. We feel so blessed to have her apart of our family and our lives. I am glad she is mine forever. My heart hurts for all she has been through, but she continues to be a beacon of light and strength. We love her so much. 

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME, NO SLEEP

 I guess the title tells you all you need to know about my day. I think babies and young children should be sent to earth with an off button. Motherhood is hard enough. It is impossible to function with sleepless nights. I have been grumpy and it has rubbed off. I just want to be grumpy without it affecting the mood of the whole house, just once. I think every selfish thing I do, I get punished for. I guess that is why motherhood is such a refining processes. You get to see your every mistake reflected back at you.

 

I love this book of shorts about Dinosaurs by Sandra Boyton.

 

One dinosaur is named Snort. It goes like this....

 

Snort a mean red dinosaur.

He (Insert She) always get's his (Insert her) way.

He (Insert she) told  me not to tell you more.

That's all I have to say.

 

That was me today, SNORT.

 

Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight. I will wake up in a better mood. The people around me can only pray.

 

Even grumpy, the kid is good looking.

HAPPY SUNDAY

 

Yesterday Nate had me do a photo-shoot at the mall again. He gives away free CD's with the person's photographs on them, the only catch is they have to come to his office to pick them up. I took hundreds of pictures of children and parents in their costumes. I have to say theme's are the best, I loved seeing whole families dressed as one theme, my all time favorite was a sailor, fish, lobster, and a captain. I wish I could post my favorites, but I can't. There were some super cute people.

Out of the hundred plus people I photographed, there is one person whose image is permanently burned in my mind. I took a picture of a young lady and her daughter. She was too skinny, her skin was grey, and she wore stilettos and a barely-covering-her dress. Her baby was happy and beautiful and dressed in a cute, modest, Tangled costume. The mother was such a starch contrast to the baby she held in her arms. She looked weighed down by drugs and immorality. She looked like she was one overdose away from loosing her baby, a baby she appeared to love. I don't know why but she tugged at my mother-heart-strings. I just wanted to take her and give her a better life and show her a better way, not just for her sake but for the baby in her arms too. Life can be so beautiful and it can be so tragic.

I think that there is a hard cycle with young ladies and once they get wrapped up in that cycle it is hard to escape. The cycle begins and ends with VIRTUE. It is a big word and so important. When virtue is taken from you or you give it away without regard or reverence for it, ultimately it will lead to lose of self-worth. The lose of worth often leads to drugs. It is tragic.

I want to yell from the roof tops to all young people everywhere. I want to exclaim it so the hearer will hear, "Protect your virtue, do all that is humanly possible to protect it." Don't let the world tell you it doesn't matter. It matters, more than you can know. You won't be able to count it's price till you are my age or beyond. When you are young, it won't feel like you will ever be my age. I am nearly forty. (How did that happen?) I know this to be true, all that I am and all joy that I have in this life is due to choosing virtue. With that said, if virtue is lost the Atonement of Jesus Christ can bring it back. I know if that young lady would have the courage to believe my words. She could be made pure and begin again and find the same joy I posses. This was my testimony today. I know the voice of the world is loud but we as mother's must raise a stronger, louder, voice that virtue matters. It matters.

Mothers are powerful.

Another thought, on why virtue and motherhood is so important, has been running through my mind by Melvin J. Ballard.

"There is a passage in our Scriptures which we as Latter-Day Saints accept as divine: 'This is the glory of God-to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man' (Moses 1:39) Likewise we could say that his is the glory of men and women--to bring to pass the mortality of the sons and daughters of God, to give earth-life to the waiting children of our Father.... The greatest mission of women is to give life, earth-life, through honorable marriage, to the waiting spirits, our Father's spirit children who anxiously desire to come to dwell here in this mortal state.

Have a happy Sabbath.

MADISON

I love this girl. She is so obedient and good.

I love her because when I ask her to do something she always does it with a spring in her step.

She is always willing.

I love her because she sleeps. She really is my only child that will go to bed at a decent time and wake up at decent time. I can't tell you what a blessing it is that at least one of my children sleeps.

I love her because she is always happy. She is never grumpy.

I love her because she is so positive about everything.

She never runs she just skips.

She is always giggling and dancing and singing.

She brightens our world.

 

TWO BUTTERFLIES

 We did simple this year. Really simple.

It was easy and fun. I told them to grab any random legging skirt and shirts and pair them with wings and then they made their antennae. They loved it. I loved it.

After a full day of school and trick-or-treat down main street, Sierra tossed her leggings.

I thought they were still cute little bugs.

 

James loved trick-or-treating. I wish I had of taken my camera. There was this little girl who was R2D2, she was so adorable. Her mom said she got the hat off of Etsy and then she made her skirt and shirt. ADORABLE. It reminded me of the adorable hats my sister-in-law made these kids last year for Christmas. I think next year will try to make them owls and a fish. We will see. It will take a little more effort on my part but hey, I might be up to it next year.

 

My cabinets were installed into my little house this week.

You will die they are so beautiful. They made me cry and I felt so blessed to have my silly, little crooked farm house.

HANDYMEN

 For Halloween the boys were handymen and the girls butterflies.

I haven't gotten picture of the girls yet, but I will.

These boys are so cute in their overalls.
I had to buy James some. I just had to.

I took them to the city market and everyone pointed at them and told me how adorable they were.

Except one lady, she was alarmed that I was allowing my son to carry a REAL hammer.
A REAL HAMMER,  A REAL MEASURE TAPE, AND A REAL SCREW DRIBER.

Sorry lady, he knows the difference and he is not okay with a fake.

BOYS. GRRRRR.

 Incriminating hammer pictured.

BOY CAVES

 James built a fort or a cave, depending on when you ask.

He built it for Ashey Crashey or Ashy Macwell and him to play in.

He invited me to play with them.

He has been reading to his brother and hugging him and telling him, "I lub you!"

 He insists on getting himself dress. He always puts his underpants on backwards and because he has  his fathers great hind end it doesn't squeeze into the front.

He walks around like this most days.

Don't adjust his clothes after he puts them on.

He demands, "I doed it!"

Don't let this little one trick you.

He has been ornery all day, demanding that I hold his chunky self while I sweep and do dishes.

He screamed while I drove around and picked out counter tops and dropped off the cupping flooring pieces to be tested.

After his brother built him a cave he has been happy.

It is so nice to see his happy face and hear his happy voice because I was about ready to toss him.

WE ARE SO GLAD WHEN GRANDPA COMES

We have been so blessed to see both our grandpa's in the past week.

 

My dad was so sweet and he helped Madison with her homework and then had her sit on his lap while she did her nightly reading. He helped Sierra practice her spelling words. It was so nice to have him take care of these important things while I got the boys to bed. He is installing our hot water heater. We feel blessed to have him visit so often even though most of his time has been spent working on our home. I am hoping the time he spends on the home will be a thing of the past and soon he will just be grandpa when he comes. I think our move in date is Nov 13. I am crossing my fingers and praying everything comes together. I am just moving forward despite the nightmare I have had with our flooring cupping and everything else. We love you dad. Thanks for everything you have done fore us. The house wouldn't have ever been finished without you. 

PROJECT 354687

I have so many projects in my life. I don't know why I started another one. I decided I wanted to make my bed a beautiful place. I haven't spent anytime on it. I made some pillow cases and hand crocheted the edges of each one. I then needed an accent pillow I love this quote by Holland. "Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself." I decided that on my bed was the best place for it. I am recovering the accent pillows my sister bought for me when she came to visit when Madison was born. I love reviving these pillows, that mean so much to me, and giving them a handmade touch. I love to applique and make up designs and my sister suggested I do a pillow instead of a baby blanket. I loved the idea. I love how it is turning out. It makes my soul happy to look at. 

SAM's CLUB with TWO CUTE BOYS

 I love these two little companions I have during the day. They are so filled with smiles. We went to Sam's Club to pick up some grocery's and some paper goods. Ashton loved every minute of it. He is finally big enough to sit in the front of the cart with James and look around.

 

The best part was getting ice cream on the way out. Ashton kept squealing and grabbing at it. Finally James shared. I think I captured his first brain freeze.

PRIMARY PROGRAM

The primary program was today. (Don't shutter Jennifer. I didn't notice her skirt until we got to church. I promise I typically iron their clothes.) I realized after my sweet children sang and gave their parts that Sierra only has one more primary program left and then she is done. Her primary years will be a memory shortly and I had to catch my breath. Why is she growing up so quickly?

 

A year and ten months and I will have a girl in young women and a baby in nursery and a young boy in primary and another child baptized. I can't believe how fast James has grown up. He just seems so old. There seems to be no baby left in him. He is now a little boy. My little Ashton, where did the last nine months go. The rapidness of time only feels evident when I look in my babies faces.

 

Time is usually slower in the daily never ending tasks of dishes and diapers. This thought Elder Holland shared on mothers has been running through my mind all week.

 

“Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are. In fact, you are saviors on Mount Zion, and like the Master you follow, your love ‘never faileth.’" -Jeffrey R. Holland



APPLESAUCE DAY 5

We have been making applesauce all week. I am glad to have finally finished the two big totes full of apple in my living room. I have two buckets in the back of my car still. I have so many more apples to do, it is a bit overwhelming. I wonder why I do it, sometimes. 

 

My landlady stopped me the other day and said are you canning applesauce? I said, "Yes." She said, "Don't they have case lot sales for that?" I said, "Yep and I can certainly afford to go down and buy several cases, but it is about something more. It is about teaching my girls about industry and thrift and hard work, because the world may not always look the way it does now and I want them to know how to survive." She laughed and said, "I understand, I did the same thing as a young mother." Did she?

 

The girls did work so hard for two straight hours the stood at that counter and pressed apples into sauce. I am grateful to pass on the legacy I have been given.

 

I am no prepper but feel it is our obligation to utilize the gifts Heavenly Father gives us. I feel a great responsibility to not waste but use what he sends me well. I think if I do that, I will always be okay. I have seen the principle of thrift and work in my life I want my children to embrace it too. Besides, organic homemade applesauce, there is no better taste in the world. No store can bottle it. No person will put that much time and love into a bottle. No business person will see the profit margin in it. It will only be appreciated by a mother and the bodies she nurtures.

He has paint on his face from helping Kay paint her Pig-Mahal yesterday. A massive pig pen. He loved it and was very careful.

BROTHER BOB AND SISTER JOANN

 I finished up a quilt for Sister Joann months ago and she and I are suppose to hand quilt it together. We haven't made much progress. I really need to go over there more often.

 

My boys love it over there. They love that there are always York Peppermint Paddies on the kitchen table. They love the blocks and the tractor. Most of all, they love that they are loved by four people that aren't genetically obligated to love them in anyway, but they do. Four people who don't have to be parents and grandparents, but are. Only people whose hearts are filled with the love of Christ can love so purely, without duty.

 

Their world should be quiet and peaceful. It is certainly turns into crazy land when we show up. They are so sweet to put up with us. James and Ashton are quite crazy. They have to touch everything and open everything and go everywhere they shouldn't. I always giggle when they encourage me to have more babies. JoAnn always says if Kay could have she would have had six. I am just making up for her only being able to have one. I think I only got two lines stitched before I had to go, because my boys were making everyone crazy. I don't know how to accomplish anything and give them the attention they need, one always gets neglected. No matter, I think our purpose was accomplished. Sometimes it is not doing, but just being there that matters most.

BABY GIRL TURNED SEVEN

 

Life doesn't slow down. I can't believe she is seven. Her favorite foods are still apples and potatoes. She would live off them if she could. She is still so sweet and beautiful. She loves everyone. She giggles more than she doesn't. Her favorite color is now orange. She loves stuffed animals just like her older sister. (She isn't a doll or Barbie girl, neither of my girls are.) She wanted to make her own cake for her birthday. I let her. She loved every minute of it. She decorated and decorated and decorated. Nate said, "I think you missed a spot with the sprinkles." Of course he was teasing her. She filled that cake with sprinkles and frosting and then she dished out everyone a huge slice. She dished herself out the biggest slice, added more frosting, extra sprinkles, two scoops of ice cream, and then went to bed without even eating one bite. Yep, that is my girl. She likes sugar on occasion but for the most part doesn't care about it. She gives away half of her Halloween candy every year.

 

Madison,

 

I love you so much. You fill our world with so much JOY. You are so sweet to your brothers. You love them so much. Ashton and James adore you. Ashton loves to crawl after you. I love how James calls you Maddie. I don't like the name Maddie, but when he says it so filled with love toward you it makes me love it. I love how you love necklaces and have worn one to school every day of the first grade. I love that you wear a skirt every day. I love that you let me do your hair and your fingernails. I know you said today again, "I am not your baby girl anymore. I am just your girl." But....I still want to call you my baby girl because you are my favorite, baby girl.

 

Love, Mom.

 

Why do the years roll on so fast?



BROTHER LOVE

APPLE SEASON

The brisk morning air has been so soul satisfying to breath in. I love fall.

The apples are sweet.

I and my boys went and picked apples and have more apples than we know what to do with.

I am hopping to dedicate tomorrow to apple sauce.

 

While picking apples I climbed to the precarious top run of the step ladder.

I was holding on to an unsteady branch.

I told James to sit on the ladder to help weigh it down a bit.

Instead he climbed up the ladder and grabbed hold of my ankles and said, "I not let you fall mommy. I got you."

He was clinging with all his might.

He is so little but so strong and I am certain he wouldn't have let me fall.

 

I picked the best apple on the tree and asked him to run and give it to Brother Chuck.

He looked at it and then grabbed another less worthy apple out of the bucket and ran off.

He came back eating the best apple on the tree.

I didn't know what happened.

Brother Chuck said he came over and said he had an apple in each hand and held out both of them, but ultimately offered the less worthy apple.

Only my fruit loving boy.

 

Ashton stayed in this wagon the whole time. I was afraid he was going to try and crawl out and do a head dive. I prayed that the angel in heaven would watch over him while I picked. He was happy and content and never budged from his little play area. A true miracle.