FACEBOOK ADDICTION

Confession: I had a major Facebook addiction.

 

I am not sure why I did, but I did. I would scroll through feeds for thirty minutes. Then go clean some dishes and find myself back scrolling through the same feeds again. When I scrolled through the same feeds so many time I wasn't seeing anything new, I would start reading articles shared. I would read an unending list of articles that would start with catchy phrases like, "You'll never believe how this woman utilized her small space."

 

I was a phantom. I don't think anyone knew I was there watching everything. I shut off the chat, so no one could chat with me and no one could see the hours I was spending hanging out there on Facebook. I just watched day in and day out. I would judge people by the comments they would make or the things they would write. I would poke fun at the socially awkward and weird. I would get so frustrated with vilified banter. I know it affected my days. I would find myself snapping at my children, "Can you leave me alone while I finish reading this? Can't you see I am busy? This is my time." My daughter Sierra would make comments like, "Are you on Facebook again?" I was annoyed because I deserved a few minutes to myself. I have virtually given up television because I can't find a decent program to watch and this was my one thing, Facebook, and besides I was sharing goodness at least once a week.

 

I knew it was a problem. I would sit down to read my scriptures on my phone and ten minutes into it I would be scrolling through Facebook. I would get on the computer to find a recipe, figure out how to bind my hexagon quilt, and end up on Facebook. I didn't spend every minute of every day on Facebook but I think total time spent every day on Facebook was at least an hour. I guess to some people that isn't a lot, but an hour every day for five years. I realized that it added up to all the projects I have never finished, all the time I didn't play with my babies on the floor, all the visiting teaching I never have time to do and a lot more. 

 

I think ultimately I couldn't fathom at the end of my life standing before my Heavenly Father and giving an accounting of all the hours I wasted. I didn't want to know how many hours I had spent on Facebook. I know my Heavenly Father knows, but that is number I never want to know.

 

These words from Elder Bednar kept running through my mind.

 

The fear of the Lord is not a reluctant apprehension about coming into His presence to be judged. I do not believe we will be afraid of Him at all. Rather, it is the prospect in His presence of facing things as they really are about ourselves and having “a perfect knowledge” (2 Nephi 9:14; see also Alma 11:43) of all our rationalizations, pretenses, and self-deceptions. Ultimately, we will be left without excuse. 

 

I tried to limit myself to five minutes a day but I couldn't. I thought if I went through the addiction recovery program I would be able to, but I couldn't control it. (Although I think the addiction recovery program is an amazing program and useful for everyone.) I finally realized I had to delete my account. It was really hard to do. I was sharing goodness. Deleting would be terminating the good too. 

 

You have to go fourteen days without logging in to delete your account. FOURTEEN DAYS. I never could make it. I finally made up the longest weirdest password on the planet. I wrote it down. Changed my password. Deleted my account. Confirmed the password.  Tore up the paper in tiny bits. Took out the trash and waited. Yes, I know this wasn't a perfect fix. I still had to wait and I could recover my account anyway, but I could do it.

 

It has been two months. I keep getting the question, how is it not being on Facebook. I have to say the  first month was so hard. Really hard. I found myself trying to log into Facebook a half a dozen times a day. I felt like I was missing out. The world had some how left me behind. There were all these conversations I wasn't participating in and then there were group invites I was missing out on. Everyone communicates through Facebook and it is hard not to be on that vein.

 

Month two was a lot easier.

 

I have to say as of today I am so glad I finally broke from Facebook.

 

What are the benefits of being off of Facebook for me?

 

1. Diminished anxiousness. I don't know why Facebook made me anxious but it did. Maybe it was negative posts. Maybe it was politically geared posts. Maybe it was posts that went contrary to my value system. Maybe it was just being involved in so many peoples lives that I had no physical ability to support or help. Maybe it was all those things.

 

2.I am able to be still more. I have more quite time. I think because of that I can feel and hear the voice of the spirit guiding and directing me more.

 

3. Time. I have more time to explore other things I am interested in.

 

4. I am in control of what I want to learn and see and not the people on Facebook.

5. I am a better example to my daughters and sons, which to me is the most important thing on the list.

 

What are the negative side effects?

 

1. I miss feeling connected with so many people that I had lost contact with over the years. (I want to emphasis feeling and actually being connected with. I think in a lot of way it was an illusion. It doesn't mean I don't miss it.)

 

2. I miss being able to share goodness with so many people. Especially friends I had on Facebook that are not of my faith. (Maybe, that too was an illusion. In five years of sharing goodness, no one joined our church. In five years, no one even asked me to tell them more. I am not saying sharing goodness doesn't affect people. I know it does. It affected me when someone shared something uplifting. I needed something uplifting when I spent so much time in an environment that wasn't all that uplifting.)
 

3. I miss having an event, and wanting to invite everyone I know, and not having Facebook as the platform to do it. (Maybe I just wanted to feel like everyone was welcome. Maybe a general invite doesn't really make people feel invited and loved anyway.) I had a crib I wasn't using anymore and a washer and dryer. I wanted to give a shout out on Facebook to see if anyone could use them. I couldn't. (Maybe I just want people to know I am generous. Besides after a few prayers, I did find them nice homes, anyway.)

 

I guess one of the biggest disappointments I have is that I feel like giving up Facebook didn't give me more time. I don't know how it is possible, but it is. My house isn't anymore clean. DISAPPOINTING.

However, I think when you are a mother you can go to bed every night with every muscle in your body hurting from running all day and still feel like it wasn't enough, so I guess I probably do get more done it just feels like I am still behind.

 

Overall I am grateful I did it. I really am! I wouldn't go back to my zombie thumbing days. I have a platform to share goodness. I share it here. I have a platform to stay connected, its called Instagram and I am not addicted to it. (What is it about Facebook?) I have a platform for being informed, its called the news. I guess the only thing I am really missing out on is the memes. I don't miss them.