BATHS

He has been the stinkiest baby. Since the day he was born, he has hated baths. Something changed this last week, he loves them. I have been so happy giving him a bath every night to help him wind down. Madison says it is good to have a baby that smells nice. I agree.

TRUCK'or TREAT

I wanted my little ones to be goldie locks and the three bears for Halloween. I never did get around to making the costumes. I decided that instead of stressing myself out, I was going to just open the bin of dressups and have them choose something. They were all really excited about their costumes. I realized I care more than they do. They had a blast truck-or-treating. It was busier than I have ever seen it. It was wall to wall people. We were patient and the kids had a great time. 

WYATT's FUNERAL

      I snapped these two quick pictures so I would have something to put here. I haven't been a good photographer since I gave birth to Logan. However, no picture could portray the depth of emotion in this room anyway. My Father offered a prayer before the funeral services and there could not have been a dry eye in the room. Michael shared beautiful heartfelt words at the funeral about Wyatt, his life and mission and testified of the Savior. The spirit was so beautiful and full. Chrissy's words were so sweet and inspiring. I can't fathom how she had the strength to stand and testify of the Heavenly Father's hand in her life and how blessed they were through their short journey with Wyatt suffering from cancer and the miracles they saw along the way. I think the whole room was blown away by their faith and love. 

Also, the moment when the grandkids sang Gethsemane and not one of them could help but weep most especially my sweet Sierra who stood behind Grace, so no one would see. Lastly, when Michael stood and held our mother as she gave the closing prayer. She shakes and it had been a long day with a lot of emotion, so she was shaking unusually hard. Michael extending compassion to her at a moment when he needed compassion the most, was exactly what Christ would have done. I wept openly. I could not have been more proud of him and the man he has become. 

We will miss you, sweet Wyatt. Until we meet again.

HAPPY 10th BIRTHDAY MADISON

Madison turned 10. We were off to the Mall to get her ear's pierced. We were so happy Kate got to join us. She was so sweet to Madison and was so happy. It was so kind of her to be happy for Madison when we know how much her heart was breaking. 

Madison had her traditional roast and mashed potato dinner. She wanted a chocolate mousse cake. She got a telescope from her father and some watercolors and beads and a shirt from her mother. We got to celebrate with all our McKnight family and cousins, that were available. It was so much fun. It was the first time Aunt Heather and Madison got celebrate their birthdays together. They were born on the same day.

PATIENCE

I spent the weekend with my in-laws. I just needed them. Do you ever feel like you need your parents in some moments and others you need your in-laws? I had that moment. I went to their ward. The lesson in Relief Society was on patience. As women in the room droned on about trying to show patience with their children, I was reflective. I had the pressing thought, what if Chrissy was in this room? What if their is a mother who is in Chrissy's shoes in this room? What wouldn't they give to have one more moment with their baby? Patience wouldn't be a question. How small and dumb I felt talking about how hard it was to have patience. I felt the need to raise my hand. I couldn't not. I explained that no one in the room knew me but my nephew passed away the day before. I said, "I believe the greatest patience we will every know in this life is waiting to see our loved ones again." It was too much emotion. The teacher didn't know what to do with it. She glazed over it and moved on. I felt dumb. I picked up Logan, luckily he had pooped his pants. I had an excuse. I left. 

A strange woman followed me out. I tried to brush her aside by explaining, "I am fine. My baby just has a messy diaper." She insisted on talking to me. She lost a child. She wanted me to know a few things that she felt I needed to convey to Chrissy.

She said, "She can be mad. Heavenly Father dosen't care if she hates Him for a while, He knows what it is like to lose a son! Don't tell her it was God's will, that use to make me so mad! Tell her bodies are mortal."

So Chrissy if you ever read this, know that it is okay to be mad. I wouldn't blame you. I have been mad over far, far, far less. Wyatt's body was mortal. He just died and that suck!

BROKEN HEARTS

Our hearts are all broken. When your hearts are broken and you are a Craven first, you gather together and eat good food. We all came into town to morn the lose of Wyatt, the only perfect Craven to have lived in the last decade. Words aren't enough. You can't conveye the hurt of watching your little brother morn the passing of his baby boy. We were so hope filled for so long that there would be a miracle. Wyatt would be the one we would testify at the pulpit of. Against all odds he would live. He didn't. We testify still, but differently. We testify that because Jesus Christ lived, Wyatt will live again. Because Jesus Christ lived, Michael will be able to raise his boy in the flesh. Because Jesus Christ lived, they can be an eternal family. Michael and Chrissy are sealed together in the House of the Lord and that sealing power is greater than death. We will miss you Wyatt Leroy and your big blue eyes and easy smile.

LOGAN and SIERRA

I think sometimes she holds him more than I do. He sure loves her. She has been so great to take him for a walk after we are done with homeschool, so I can clean up the house and make dinner. I don't know what I would do without her simple act of service every day. 

LOGA-LICIOS

I was called to be the first counselor in the Relief Society Presidency today. Our small ward is very unique and it doesn't have a lot of active members. I am certain that is why Nate is the Elder's Quorum President. I am the first counselor in the Relief Society presidency and Sierra is the Beehive class president. We are busy but we are loved and have felt a great portion of the Lord's spirit accompany us in His work. We feel grateful to be needed. 

BATHTIME

I love these little ones so much. They are my world.

Felt inspired to reach out to Sister Ellingson and send her a copy of this talk by Elder Eyring. I was so inspired by it myself. I wrote her a letter and included a copy. The spirit also bore a powerful witness to myself that in order to nurture my children the way Christ intends me to I must have his power with me, through prayer and scripture study. I am determined to try harder. 

BICYCLE RIDE

We went for a bike ride today. I thanked Heavenly Father that the sun broke through this stormy week and made our little outing possible. Sierra was a sweet big sister and helped James out. He was melting down about not being able to ride a big bike like the girls. She said, "You have the funniest bike ever." She played with him on his little bike until he started laughing.

MIRACLES

I am so behind and have so much to write, but I think I will stop being overwhelmed and discouraged about catching up and just move forward. 

Saturday evening the prophet challenged us to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. I started sobbing. As most of you know, I started homeschooling my children. I am doing concurrent enrollment, so they go to school for two hours a day each and the rest of the time they are at home with me. It is a lot of driving on top of homeschooling. I have been really busy. I haven't gone grocery shopping in a month. I haven't paid our bills yet this month. I was called to be the first counselor in the Relief Society presidency. Besides all that, I have taken it upon myself to minister in a higher holier way. Logan, this beautiful baby refuses to sleep. He is Sierra. He maybe takes three thirty minute naps and is up at least five times at night. I have been exhausted, every day. I have sobbed myself to sleep every night. 

Why do I need to do this? I read the scriptures and we do family scripture study. 

I didn't know how I was going to fit the prophet's challenge into my life. It wasn't possible. I sobbed, knowing I had to, because the spirit bore witness to my soul I had to, but knowing it was impossible. You might as well be a man born in the desert and asked to build a ship to cross Atlantic ocean. In a world where no one crosses the Atlantic, at least no one had.

I guess if Nephi could do the impossible, then so could I. 

I started.    

I am less than a week into this challenge and I have seen miracles flooding into my life. The Spirit has been speaking to me. He has guided me and helped me fix my biggest problem. He has given me more time. I was inspired by the Spirit to higher a tutor for Sierra for math. I watched her work with her tutor and realized she can learn independently, when I am removed from the situation. I was inspired to call a widow in the ward and ask her to if Sierra could do her school work at her house. She is so happy to have her. Sister Otteson invited her to go see "The Wizard of OZ" at the Avalon theater. I know she is blessing her life too. She has felt so lonely. 

She has been getting all her school work done on her own and I have only had to help her in a few areas. This blessing alone has brought more peace to my home and given me the time I need. 

    

We are blessed when we are obedient. Obedience brings forth the blessings of heaven!