SUNDAY, HAPPY DAY!

She stayed up till 1:30 in the morning cleaning my house. When I woke up it looked as good as if I had cleaned it. She owns one Sunday dress. I had bought her a dress and shoes for Christmas. I figured she needed them early. I giggle at her cute shoes. TAGS! :) 

It is the only picture I got of them all smiling. Have a beautiful Sunday. We sure have, mostly because we love being members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It gives our life meaning and purpose. We are filled with opportunities to serve our fellow man and in turn, serve the Savior. We feel blessed.

FOCUS

She has spent all day gathering her portfolio pieces and uploading them to BYU's website. It could have taken her twenty minutes. She is like a puppy. "Squirrel!" Everything and anything will distract her. It is enough to make a mother crazy! However, she is one of the best girls on the planet. She has volunteered to help people move and she supervised the kid's table at Super Saturday. She loves all the young women. She loves the girls that no one else does. She tends her baby brother constantly. She loves him unconditionally. She changes his diapers. She babysits often. She cleans amazingly well. She has straight A's in BYU's program right now. She actually willingly takes showers now. So, why does she still make me want to pull my hair out?

SIERRA's PASSION

She often knows each one of my buttons to push so I want to explode. I have very little patience with her sometimes. Today she ran away and I let her. We both needed a break from each other. She borrowed the neighbor's horse Clancy and rode him half the day. Mostly, she rode him bareback like this. She said at one point she fell asleep and slept for two hours. I believe her but I could never nap on the back of a horse. My favorite place to nap is in my bed when my house is clean. The best rest comes in a clean house. I guess that is why I am staying up all night cleaning carpets and scrubbing my house. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for the funds to purchase a carpet cleaner. It is so nice to have clean carpets. I am also grateful for neighbors and friends that are like angels in my life and allow Sierra to use their horse when she desperately needs some horse therapy. 

LEGOS

He has been up building all Thanksgiving break. He is obsessed with Legos. He disappears all day. He is quiet. He is thinking and building. He wakes up in the morning with a new idea about something he can build. Today, a tree house. Tomorrow, we will see. He comes home from school and runs upstairs and I never hear from him again. I beg him to come down to do his "Mommy School." He gets upset. I tell him if he doesn't focus and give his best work, I will sell his legos. He focuses. He can't imagine a space where he cannot build. I worry he is too obsessed. I tell myself, he will be an engineer like his Uncle Paul or contractor like his Uncle Spencer, to calm my nerves. I don't know what he will be, but I am certain he will build.

I am grateful for the Holy Ghost and his guidance to look on Craigslist for someone selling legos. I found a man with two giant bins for $80.00. When one nice set costs as much, I felt blessed.  I bought them. The boys no longer have to be screen zombies for me to teach Madison or Sierra. My soul is more at peace. I am grateful. Truly an answer to my prayers.

THANKSGIVING

We decided to stay home for Thanksgiving dinner. I was relieved once I finally made the decision. I sometimes make decisions based on not disappointing my extended family instead of doing what is best for my husband, children and I. I was grateful to have the courage to do what was best for myself. Traveling is so hard for Mr. Logan and it took a long time to recover from our last trip. I don't have a week to recover from a trip anymore. Nate was so great. He took on the turkey with all his normal enthusiasm. I made assignments for all the kids. James did the rolls and salad. Ashton did the green bean casserole and helped with the rolls. Sierra did the Jell-o and the sweet potatoes. Madison did the pies and potatoes. I did gravy and stuffing. There may have been a few mess ups but overall I was glad not to have to do it all myself.
I like to think of the things I am especially grateful for this year 2018. I am grateful for Mr. Logan. Especially his huge smile and his sweet hugs. I am grateful I made it through his birth and the last six months. They have been difficult but worth it.
I am grateful for a better relationship with Nate. I feel I come to know him better every year and he constantly amazes me. He is generous and funny. He has helped me laugh through some really difficult days this year. He has been so generous not just monetarily but with his time.
I am grateful I have had an increased capacity to hear the spirit. I have felt guided by the Holy Ghost and I am grateful to have him with me always.
I am grateful I decided to homeschool my kids. I love having them home more. We have had several beautiful learning moments together. It has been stretching for me as a mother. I am learning things I wish I had of known when Sierra was little. I am becoming the mother I want to be. (Although, I am still far from perfect!)
I am grateful for Michael and Chrissy and their courage. I am grateful they have taught and continue to teach me how to do incredibly hard things gracefully and faith-filled.
Lastly, I am grateful my sister Kimberly, and brother-in-law Caleb, decided to create Logan a best friend for life. He will be born today. I can't wait to lay eyes on his sweet face. 

TWO CUTE BOYS

I was having a rough day today. Sierra and I were in a power struggle. I begged her father to help but he honestly doesn't know how. He left to collect the things he needs to smoke the turkey for tomorrow. I cried. I know what I need to do. It is just hard to do. I am weak. I wish I was more capable. I cried. James came in and said, "Mom, what can I do to help?" I said through tears, you could sweep the floor. Honestly, he has never swept the floor before. It was just the only thing I could think of and I didn't want to tell him he couldn't help. He grabbed the broom and Ashton grabbed the dustpan and they swept the floor together. When he thought the task was sufficiently complete he said, "Is there anything else I can do?" I said, "You could push your brother in his swing outside." He pushed Logan until he was almost asleep and I had finished cleaning the kitchen. I saw Heavenly Father's hand in my life through my son. I am so grateful for his kind spirit today. 

HE IS GROWING

He is growing so much. He has been such a blessing in my life. I truly love him. He is my world right now. I watch as other friends have longs since moved past the baby stage. I am grateful I have not. I chose him and am so glad he chose me. I love my caboose. 

MY KINDERGARTENER

Two months into Kindergarten this little boy got a letter home saying that they were switching him to all day Kindergarten and to a different teacher. 

One of the reasons I decided to homeschool was I didn't want my children spending more time at school than with me. I knew I wanted to add James to my list but I didn't know how. I burst into tears. I went out into Nate's dude room and acted like a baby. I wept and told Heavenly Father I couldn't do anymore, I was exhausted. I asked, why? (I have learned so much since then. If I went back into time, I wouldn't ask why but what do you want me to learn?) 

A few months earlier I was listening to NPR and they were talking about the gay initiative. How they were starting in Denver and going into all public schools and teaching children that gender is fluid. They will instruct teachers to refer to children as scholars or learners but never boys and girls. 

I have since been home schooling James for two months. He does go into the school for two hours a day. The first day he burst into tears when I came to pick him up. He didn't want to come home. I wondered if I was doing the right thing.

A few weeks ago I went into his classroom and his teacher said, "Line up scholars." I felt the spirit say to my mind, "This is why?"

I do love James's teacher. I just don't want anyone having a greater influnence over his mind than me. I am his mother. I love him. He is the sweetest boy. 

HAUNTED FOREST

Sierra has been involved with a fundraiser in St George all week for cancer research. My sister Michelle had the event planned before Wyatt's passing. The haunted forest has been running since last week. I haven't heard from Sierra since she left for St. George. She was a creepy jack-n-the-box and jumped out and scared people. I am pretty sure she had the time of her life.