SUNDAY AFTERNOON

 James has become a little artist. He draws constantly. He is getting really good. I love this phase of my children's growth. There little masterpieces become so detailed. He was telling me all about his picture. There is a rainbow sun and rain clouds and flowers. There is a man swimming in the water in the rain cloud. I love his imagination. I love his drawings. The ultimate compliment to him is when I say, "This is so good. It needs to go on the fridge." He is so proud.

Church was good today, really good. All my children got along on the pew. I actually heard the speaker. Ashton didn't run off once. Dare I say, it was a joy to be a church. I feel really blessed because I have been a crabby mom lately and I know Heavenly Father blessed me. I am so grateful. Sierra made the bracelets her grandma taught her how to make the whole time an didn't bother anyone. Madison drew in her journal. James drew robots and Ashton played with a puzzle. I actually thought about the Savior during the Sacrament. These small triumphs are monumental to my mother heart. I love it when church feels glorious instead of pain filled. We have both kinds of Sundays. It is good to know that we have the other kind too.

I got to go and sing tonight in the Stake Choir. Every other year the director of the Grand Junction Choir. and the head of the singing department at Mesa State, heads up a volunteer stake choir. He chooses music from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and proceeds to try and turn a stake choir into the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I feel he is mostly successful. I am inspired by how amazing the end result is. Since I have always dreamed of singing in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, it is the one time I can pretend I do. The concert is at the end of November and rehearsals are every Sunday from now till then. I love singing with and for Dr. Atkins. He is an amazing director. In the first minute I felt I was singing better. It is such an unearthly feeling when a choir sings well together. You feel your own voice reverberate off of a piece of music. You feel like the voices of the choir are one-hundred and fifty voices that sound like one voice. When you do all that but do it praises of your Lord and King it fills your soul and is such a heavenly experience there are no words. 

QUILTS and POOP

 Mom and Dad left bright and early in the morning. They never like to linger. After breakfast, they were off.

I have been stippling the above quilt. I found the quilt top on etsy. I fell in love with it. I have spent time doing a hexagon quilt. It takes hours and hours. I was so upset when I saw someone selling this for a fraction of what it was worth. I have to say it was an impulse buy. I love it, but it has sat in my closet for months. I am not the greatest stippler but I wanted to do it. I finally got up the courage and it has been really difficult to do but rewarding. I am about halfway done with it. I will do the rest on Monday.

I have been potty training. This boy will pee in the potty all day long and hold it for hours. I don't ever hesitate to take him in public. He is amazing. I can't get him to poop on the potty to save my life. He usually poops once a day and he poops his pants. I don't know what to do. I have never had a kid be this hard. I would love any advice from anyone. 

My kids played at the White's for a few hours while I took some hot rolls to a friend who was diagnosed with cervical cancer. We visited for a minute. I then took some rolls over to my friend Leslie's house. We got to visit. It is always nice to visit with a good friend and share worries and joy's. There is some friends that you can talk to about anything. They are open. I love that Leslie is hears everything I say and she loves me despite my imperfections. 

I am pretty sure I popped. I wasn't showing at all and then I woke up two days ago and it is like gravity has taken toll and I feel very pregnant. It is great to know that he is healthy and growing. I am happy to be housing his little body for a short time. 

BEST DAY

 Yesterday I was complaining to a friend about feeling stuck and unable to move forward. There are so many things I have wanted to do to help make my house a home, but I just haven't done it. I make several excuses but the fact is that I am just not driven enough to make the change. Well, I was so grateful for my friend Lily, because this morning she forced me to move forward.

I saw a credenza on-line that I feel in love with. It was at a consignment store in Montrose. I didn't have a truck and I was nervous to drive clear out there with both my boys. My friend Lily said, "We are going to just go." I drove to Nate's work and took his truck. We drove out to Montrose and I fell in love with the most beautiful consignment store. I will be back. It was lovely and it filled my soul. There were so many unique treasures and I re-found my love for all things thrifted and vintage. The credenza that I saw was beyond lovely and I found a dining room set. It was walnut and there are very few dings and It fits the space so well. I will have to take a better picture of the credenza but it is so perfectly what I wanted. I feel like I can have the courage to move forward and make my house a home. I know I can make it a priority. I need several more pieces. I am so excited and I really owe it all to Lily, who has always be a true friend to me. Thanks for pushing me out of my comfort zone.

We went out for lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant in Delta and then we came home. Lily helped me unload everything and clear out the old. My in-laws were waiting for me. I felt bad, but I knew it would be okay. They are very understanding. My house wasn't perfectly clean and I was late arriving but they were happy and gracious. 

My kids were so happy to see their grandparents. They love spending time with them. I love having them in our home. My mother-in-law is a genius when it comes to entertaining kids. My boys were playing games and my girls were quickly making bracelets out of paper. We had curry and naan bread for dinner and a nice salad. I love having a table full of people who love good food and talk and laugh. It fills my soul. It was especially nice to share our first meal around our new table with people we love!  

BUS

 My sister invited me to listen to a podcast Brooke White recommended called The Life Coach School. I love listening to podcasts and conference and the scriptures while I clean in the morning. It helps me feel like I am growing instead of living the same day over again every day. "Didn't I just pick this up yesterday? I swear I scrubbed the bathroom yesterday and it is this gross!" Also, it gives me something to talk to Nate about besides the kids and the house. I am always open to suggestions of things to listen to. 

I love The Life Coach School (TLCS)'s podcast on productivity. I listened to it again this morning. I am amazed at how much I needed to listen to it. She says, "Finished is better than perfect." My office area of my home has been overwhelming me again. I just kept saying that over and over again and it really helped me get through it. She has a ton of great advice. Her podcasts on marriage are outstanding. 

I have a love hate relationship with mornings. Sierra gets up at 5:50, so she can make it to the bus on time. I love getting up with her when I sleep well and the boys sleep well. When they don't it is so hard. This morning I was really dragging. She begged me to drive the salt block, we bought yesterday, out to the horse. I remembered we had forgotten to pray, so I thought we could pray in the truck before I drove her out to the horse. I love praying with and over my children. I know she loves to hear me pray for her at the start of the day. I love those peaceful quiet moments with her. I always pray for her safety and her light. She is such a good girl and she can influence so many if she will just let the light within her shine. 

She forgot to turn off the hose yesterday. It flooded the corral. I was sloshing through mud to get to the horse. Then she threw the salt block into the feeding trough and I raced her down the road to the bus. 

I tried to go back to sleep but I guess the I was too awake after running out to the horse. I laid there with my eyes closed until Max came in and got me up by blowing raspberries on my arms and giggling. James, who had come into my room in the middle of the night with a bad dream, woke up to his brothers noises and started giggling too. I got up and we all sat around the table and ate cereal and then got Madison off to the bus.  

DINNER TIME

 Today, I spent the day trying to sort out a few things like the septic system and getting the horse taken care of. I also spent a few hours tending to my house. We had the horse's feet attended to. The boy loved watching Daryl take care of Flint's feet. Daryl says it is his full time job now. He apprenticed with a man for a time and then he started his own business. Did you know getting a horse a pedicure is about as much as getting a human a pedicure? This time it was a pedicure and a pair of shoes so it was a little more pricey. 

Did I tell you Sierra got a horse? His name is Flint.  Well, technically the horse is mine. My name is on the papers. I never thought I would own a horse. Quite frankly, I have never had the desire to own a horse. To her, to Sierra, a horse is the beginning and the end to life. A horse is the reason to get up in the morning and the only reason to smile. Horses are her life, so we are becoming horse people. I am glad. It is extremely hard to discipline a child that is bigger than you. Most of my friends use their children's phone as a tool to entice them to behave. I am glad I have a horse. They are way more expensive, but better for her character. Lately, you will hear me say, "If you don't get that mess cleaned up you can't ride your horse for two days." She usually hops to it. 

The first night she got the horse she slept in a tent by the horse. She didn't want him to be alone in a strange place. They have been inseparable ever since. The horse is like a big dog and follows her around the property. He has her heart. We have a bare back saddle coming this week and her instructor is going to teach her how to ride bare back. She is so excited. 

On Labor day she saddled him wrong and the saddle slipped as she was trotting around the coral and her leg got squished between the pole and the horse. When I went out to check on her she was sheet white laying in the hay. I told her I would go get the truck and pick her up. When I got back her friend Elizabeth had helped her hobble to a pile of a ash where she fell face down into it. She was filthy. I guess this reveals what kind of mother I am, but she said, "I just want to climb in your bed and rest." I told her she wasn't climbing in my bed that filthy. Yep, that is what I said. I made her take a bath. She laid in the water and didn't wash herself. She was dripping wet dirt water when she came into my bedroom. I took a towel and sponged her off the best I could and then gave up and told her she could climb into my bed. I called my friend, who ran ambulance for years and is an RN and asked her to come take a look at her leg. She said over the phone it might be broken but when she came over she said she was fine. Phew. I called the doctor for an appointment the next day but she wouldn't keep it because it was Elizabeth's birthday and they were going to go to Angelo's to paint. Sigh. She definitely has a mind of her own.  

Tonight the boys and Madison wanted to make dinner with me. I was just making gravy to go with some leftover mashed potatoes. I didn't mind the company. Sierra refused to eat my dinner and insisted on making her own. I asked her not to but she did it anyway. Some days I have to pick my battles. Instead of gravy and mashed potatoes, she ate a baked potato with canned chili. 

Madison wanted to show off her jump roping skills but that was too much for Sierra so she kept grabbing the rope and yelling at her to stop. Then James got his light saber and swung it around until Sierra broke it. I sighed dreaming of those moments when everyone gets along. We have them in our house and we have them more often than I realize. However, I notice the moments that stretch me as a mother more. 

BABY #5

I guess this is the best evidence that baby number five is on his way. I am eighteen weeks this week. I can't begin to convey how excited, happy, scared, overwhelmed, and elated I am. I have so many thoughts about this baby. I really thought Nate wouldn't have more than four children. I really thought if we ever did have one more it would be a girl. I never thought I would have a baby at almost thirty-nine.

When I left the ultra-sound, I laughed all the way to the car. Nate at one point in our marriage very adamantly proclaimed, "We can't make boys!" He was wrong. I had the words, "We are as the armies of Heleman running through my mind." Maybe that was a message to me to make sure I teach these boys in their youth and try my best to help build their faith. Maybe it was meant to give me comfort about how much affect good men have in the world and the importance of giving these strong male spirits life. I am nervous about labor and nervous about bringing another baby home to a two bedroom one bathroom home. I am nervous about my postpartum recovery, while caring for my other four children. If I had another home, I would make my mother move in with me for a week. 

Despite all that... I am so happy I get to be a mother again. I am so excited to hold a new born baby in my arms again and smell that newborn smell. I am so happy to bring a new spirit into our home with all love, hope, and joy that comes with it. I so proud of James and the good little boy that he is and what an amazing oldest brother he will be. James is unlike any of my other children in that he sincerely loves people. He loves to pray and he says the most sincere prayers. He loves me so sweetly and sincerely. I just know he was meant to be leader of our little pack. Ashton Max is so busy and full of life, he will always keep his father young. Having these three little boys together will be so good for their daddy. He took James bear hunting last Saturday and James talked of nothing else. I think even Nate had a good time. I think Nate is beginning to see that these three little men are going to be his best hunting, fishing, and camping buddies ever.