LOGAN MICHAEL

 I have never had a baby and said, "I never want to do that again!" However that is exactly how I felt after having Logan. It was the most difficult birth emotionally and maybe even physically I have had. I was so nervous that whole pregnancy that I wouldn't make it to the hospital. However, I shouldn't have been I made it to the hospital just fine. My first real contractions were actual labor, which was very different from Ashton. I started having real contractions on Thursday night. I was scheduled to be induced Friday morning. I called my friend Leslie, she came and picked me up and we went to the hospital. I was only dilated to a three when I arrived. I went and walked around the hospital. I started coughing from the walk. I still had influenza B. I would have a coughing fit and sit down. Then I would start walking again once I got it under control. When the midwife showed up at 9:00am, I was dilated to a five.

I think I could have let labor progress on it's own and I would have had him a few hours later but I was so scared. I was scared I would start contracting hard and I wouldn't be able to breath through the contractions without having a major coughing fit. I called for an epidural. I don't know why but the anesthesiologist poked me several times to get my epidural it was the most complicated epidural I have ever had but it worked perfectly after a bit of tweaking. They gave me too much and I kept passing out. She put me on the lowest dosage she could, and joked that with it that low she didn't know why I was having an epidural. I told her I just wanted it to take the edge off and she said, "Well that is all it is going to do." I got to sleep for an hour. I hadn't slept for a solid week, so it felt nice to sleep. 

(When I contracted Influenza B, the doctor prescribed Tamiflu. Nate paid $150 dollars for the prescription, because we don't have insurance. I think it was a combination of my fear of giving birth with the flu and the cost of the prescription that caused me to take it. Normally, I avoid prescription drugs like the plague. It caused me to have severe insomnia. I didn't sleep for five days straight. I finally threw the medicine away and didn't finish taking it. I threw it away two days before I gave birth. Even though I threw it away it took a day to get out of my system and then I was up all night with contractions. I was so tired.) 

The midwife came in around noon to check on me and I had stopped progressing. They gave me a bit of pitocin. I was dilated to a six or a seven. The midwife left the room for about five minutes and I turned to the nurse and said, "I feel like I got to poop." She ran to get the midwife and she came back in and said, "I can't believe it within a few minutes you are now fully dilated and fully effaced." It was so painfully pushing Logan out. Usually pushing is so easy for me, he was sunny side up and slightly sideways.  My midwife kept encouraging me to lay on my side and push, but logically that made no sense to me. I didn't think it would be easier. I ignored her until the pain was more than I could bare and finally I rolled over and after a few good pushes and a few good prayers, he was out.

Side Note: Because I was coughing so badly, the midwife wanted me checked for Influenza B. When the test came back positive the pediatric nurse came into my room and said, "Here is the plan, you can't breath on this baby when he is born. We are going to take him away to the nursery the minute he is born and you will have to pump your milk and and we will have to bottle feed him. He cannot be exposed." I said, "That isn't going to happen." She said, "Well then we will have to have your room completely scrubbed down. We will have to give you a sponge bath and no one is allowed in or out of this room without a mask on." I agreed. I thought she was crazy but I agreed because I didn't want them taking my baby away. I had to give birth with a face mask. I had to wear one the whole time I was in the hospital. After I gave birth by that evening I was tired of the hospital and every person in it. I asked if I could just check out of the hospital. They said it was fine and they started the paperwork. Then they came back in and said that crazy pediatric nurse said if I left the hospital she would make the nurse call CPS. Yes, child protective services! I ended staying my stupid long twenty-four hours and then I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I hate hospitals and I will never give birth in one again. Mostly because I am done having a babies.... unless I am not and if I am not I will have my next baby in a birthing center.

I had the craziest nurse. She had been in the USA for six months. She was from the Philippines. Her name was Rose. She poked me several times to get my IV in for my epidural. I have the best veins ever and no one has ever had to poke me more than once. I have giving blood for years. She kept petting me through the whole process. She would ask me if I wanted something and I would tell her no and then she would tell me all the reasons why I had to have it until she exhausted me into just doing what she wanted. I was very happy to leave Rose at the hospital. 

Lastly, but most importantly, Leslie came with me to the hospital and helped me give birth. She ran and got me food and arranged my pillows and took care of Logan. She changed all of his diapers. She held him while I slept. She even held one of my legs while I was trying to push him out. She was a saint. Don't tell Nate this, but in that situation I would take her over him any day.

TWO MORE DOWN

Yesterday, I got this illness full throttle. I have a fever and chills and could no longer get out of bed. Ashton needed help getting on the potty. I needed more blankets and James was crying because everything hurt. The doctor now thinks we all have influenza B. It is a strain not included in the shot this year. Everyone has it including Nate. I started having contractions last night. I only had two every hour but it was enough to keep me up all night. I think I finally feel asleep around 4:30 in the morning and got up at 7:30. I went to see my midwife. She said my contractions were not dialating me, thankfully. I keep fearing I will have this baby with the influenza. I know fear is not faith but can you imagine giving birth with the flu. Every part of me aches and my throat hurts so bad I don't even like talking anymore. If I don't hang on till the ninth, I will probably have another Ashton or Madison birth. Yikes. I keep praying and telling Heavenly Father let thy will be done but please can I just have a peaceful James birth.

Thankfully my parents came in to town to nurse me back to health. The whole mood in my home has shifted. From one of stress and fear to one of peace and hope but my mother and father can do that to any situation. Dad cleaned up Flints poop. 22 barrels in all. Sierra has been begging for us to help her but since none of us have been well it has just piled up and it has weighed on me. (Flint is Sierra's horse. Have I mentioned him on this blog yet?)

My mother has cooked and cleaned and nursed my sick children all day. She has been an angel. My parents have thrown themselves in harms way to administer to us. I know how risky that is and how Christlike you must be to visit the sick. I can't praise there names enough.

INFLUENZA B

I have crashed hard today. I am not sure why or what is going on. Both my girls have pneumonia, Ashton had a fever it broke. James looks like he has pneumonia. Nate is delirious. I have the worst cough and have zero energy. I am scheduled to have this baby in eight days! Why! I can't even begin to explain how hard the last month has been. Sierra at this point has missed a total of three weeks of school. Madison has missed close to that. Winter break never ended. I am trying to get use to my new normal. I just don't know if I have enough inner strength to keep going. I broke down sobbing last night. I have had several friends offer to bring in meals or drop off juice or cough drops. I have been so grateful but what I need more than anything is someone to come sit with my little ones and tend to them while I take a nap. No one wants to come within five feet of my home and I don't blame them, but I have no family in town and if I could get a one hour nap... I could make it, but being up all night and all day tending to these sick little ones is breaking me. I don't think ever in the history of the McKnight home have we ever been so sick, with so many of us sick at once. Pray for us.

MY LITTLE SUPER HEROS

Ashton insisted we make popcorn together on the stove. He loves popcorn. After they ate all the popcorn they could handle they threw the remaining popcorn all over my bedroom. I made them vacuum it up. They loved it. They thought vacuuming up popcorn was the best thing they did all day. Sigh. I don't think I discouraged them from throwing popcorn all over my room.

They dressed up like superheros half way through the day and spent a good hour jumping off of everything they could. They challenge each  other to jump from a higher step on the stairs everyday. Ashton never shies away from a challenge. One of theses days they are going to break a leg. 

Sierra is really ill. She has gone from bad to worse. What is going on? I don't think she is ever going back to school and that we will ever be back on our routine. I have an appointment with our doctor today. We will see how that goes! Sight. I think she has strep or the flu. Either is very miserable. She keeps saying she hurts all over. 

MOM and DAD came to VISIT

 They showed up at my doorstep unannounced. I was exhausted and had been having back labor all day. I was a bit angry, "Who could be knocking at my door at this time of night. When I saw it was my mom, I almost started to cry." They came because they had an appointment with Dr. McKnight. Dad needed a tooth pulled and one put in and mom needed one ground down and a cleaning. We got them taken care and dad bought us ice cream. We are so happy they came. They will be missed. They only stayed two nights but we will take what we can get.

WEIRDY BROTHER

James drew this picture the other day. He said, "Do you want our baby brother to look like this?" I didn't know whether he was wanting his brother to look like his picture or not. I said, "Sure buddy!" He said, "No you don't! He is a weirdy brother, but that is what he is going to look like if you name him Frank!" He is not a huge fan of naming his brother Frank, it is okay neither is his father, but I think it is adorable. My two top names are Logan Michael and Benson Spencer, but Nate won't talk about it, so I guess we will decide in a few weeks.

TWO WEEKS 5 DAYS

Everything's hurting! Everything! I am going to be very happy to have this pregnancy over. I hurt everytime I move.  I can't believe how much a few weeks can do to your overall well being.  A few weeks ago I was exercising everyday and now I feel like I can hardly  bend or turn without being in extreme pain! I am so happy to meet this little boy. I know my children are too. James and Ashton give him kisses everyday. I love that they love him already. 

I am sending the girls back to school tomorrow.   I am happy to finally be able to have a clean house. I hate that I care so much but I do.  When everyone is laying around sick and one mess is a dozen in five minutes, it works on your nerves. Everyone tells me I am so lucky to live in a small house because it doesn't take that long to clean, which is true, but trust me it doesn't take that long to make a mess especially when all four of your children are home and sick and can't go outside. 

Ashton has to get better. He cries ever time his nose runs. I can't handle it. I won't let him wear long sleeve shirts anymore because he uses his sleeve to wipe his nose and his whole face is raw. I have tried teaching him not to use his sleeve but he insists. Luckily he won't rub his boogers on his bare arm, short sleeves are my answer.

I gave the lesson in young women's today. I haven't had the ability to focus on preparing a lesson. I hate it, but I had to wing it today. Funny enough the 2nd counselor had spent time preparing a lesson for the Beehives. The Laurel advisor's children were sick. She wasn't there. (Mine were too, but...) The YW president insisted we all combine and I give the lesson. I freely admitted I was going to wing it. She said that will be great. I guess I should take that as a compliment, but it would have been easier to let the second counselor do it. It went well. It was in the Savior Jesus Christ and I can't think of a more easy topic to wing it on. I do love the Savior and the influence his life has had on my life. I would not be who I am without his words and his atonement. 

James did say the other day, "You love Jesus, huh, mom!" I said, "Yes, I do!" I am glad he can tell by the music I listen to and the way I live. I have never told him that, at least I don't think I have. I do love Jesus.

JUST ANOTHER SATURDAY

 

This morning I woke up with no energy. I got to bed late last night. I am not sleeping well, it is to be expected, I only have a little over two weeks till I am due. I am not sure where all the time has gone. I remember using markers to help James understand when his brother was going to be born. First Halloween, then Thanksgiving, the Christmas, then Ashton's Birthday, then your birthday, then your new baby brother's birthday. We have passsed all of our markers and there is just one more left. How is that possible? 

We took Ashton to Walmart and let him pick out an extra special poop treat. I was willing to buy him a ride on quad, or anything he wanted. He wanted paw patrol bubbles. I bought them. He hasn't pooped in the potty yet, but he hasn't pooped his pants either. We are waiting. He will probably poop during nursery tomorrow. I wish I didn't have to contend with that tomorrow, maybe I will keep him with me. 

My friend Barbara invited me over for Pho. It was delicious and just what I needed. I left the kids with Sierra, so Ashton had his first accident in two days. Still, the break may have been worth it. 

Nate got back from Denver this evening. He is happy to be home and we are happy to have him home. He has been gone since Wednesday.  The girls have been out of school all week sick and I have been potty training and pregnant, talk about hell week. We made it.  We may have not faired well but we faired and that has to count for something. 

POTTY TRAINING

Potty training this boy has been an adventure. I started six months ago and gave up. I told my mother I was done till after the baby was born. She insisted that he is three and he can do it and if he wasn't all the way there she would take over while I was in the hospital and the days following. Armed with that promise I decided to move forward. I told him he was a big boy now and had to throw away his diapers. Then for two straight days he peed himself. Then he would run and tell me he needed to be changed. I was at my wits end and cursing my mom a bit, sorry mom you know I love you. I called my sister Michelle she said, "Lisa, this is what you are going to do. Go to Walmart, not the dollar store, buy him prizes he will love and he gets a prize for ever success no matter what." I was desperate and listened. Within an hour that kid stopped having accidents, he hasn't had an accident since... except poop. He won't poop on the potty. I have a plan and I pray it works. Pray for me.

Sierra and I went on a date tonight. Nate's in Denver and I felt like she needed a little Mommy Daughter Time. We went to Munchies a hamburger and fry place and ate and then we went to a play at the High School. She sat up and watched the whole thing intently. You could tell she was getting a bit uncomfortable near the end and she wanted to go. I didn't blame her those auditorium chairs were not comfortable, especially for my pregnant belly. We knew one of the girls preforming, Carly Orr. She is one of our Laurels. She is not that active and we really wanted to support her. We gave her the flowers we brought and took off for home. Sierra suggested we beeline it to the movies but ten o'clock is late for me. We headed home.

James loves Lindsay to babysit. I think having her come over was a better gift than anything he got for his birthday.

LONGEST WINTER BREAK

She is begging me to home school her again. I think I might do it for 8th grade. She gets really emotional every time I tell her she has to go back to school. She isn't an emotional child. Christmas break was two weeks. Then she went to school for four days. Then it was MLK day. Then she got sick. Everyday I want to send her to school and every night she looks so bad and sounds so bad I can't bear to send her.

She got her hair cut. She looks like Cleopatra. She insisted on cutting her hair to her shoulder and cutting thick bangs, against my will. However, it is growing on me. She looks younger and I am glad. I see too many twelve year olds looking sixteen. Her hair cut reminds me of me when I was her age.

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY JAMES!

POTTY PRIZES